Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
