He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
