the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
