This is not my ceiling
I am puke
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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