After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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