She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
