...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
