Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
