i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
