pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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