my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
