That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
