just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
