i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
