She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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