i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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