The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
