Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
