Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
