Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
