Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
