I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
