k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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