i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
