at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
