Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
