my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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