I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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