So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
