i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And then he peed in my hair
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