i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
