how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
