This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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