i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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