kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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