my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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