To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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