I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
