nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im holly from the hills drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
