She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
