sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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