That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your penis caused this!
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