im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
