Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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