just tell him i said nine months
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
