They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
