i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
