Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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