best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
