A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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