Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
