i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
