Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
