Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
