you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
