You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
